I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
