some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
