Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
