I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
