My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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