He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
