i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
