You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
