remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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