he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
