Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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