i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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