that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
