sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
