remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
