I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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