Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize