How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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