you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
