and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
