you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
