All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've blown a few things in my day
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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