they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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