i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
