I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize