Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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