i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
