What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
