i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
