he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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