It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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