i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
