o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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