Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
