he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
