Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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