There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
