We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
