Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
