Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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