the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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