when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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