i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
