we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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