I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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