bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
