I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
