I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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