I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You dont lie about slip and slides
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize