he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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