After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
