I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
