youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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