Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
