today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
