I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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