just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
