oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
