Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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