Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
