Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dear god my vagina.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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