i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
