The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mom said you looked used
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
