she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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