My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
