i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
