you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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