I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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