my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
