Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
