haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am midnight drunk by noon
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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