we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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