I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Soap is not a condiment
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
