saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
