I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize