I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
