This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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