I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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