No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
