You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
