8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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