Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
